But I Suffer Too Much

Have you clicked this page because these ideas of transforming your suffering feel too far away? Does holding the light and dark together just sound naive? Or for other people? Do you worry you are too far gone? I understand. This site is not saying all suffering becomes beautiful. It does not. It is saying great suffering, no matter its cause, demands great care.

As social creatures, we are not built to rescue ourselves. We have a hand in our hope, but we cannot solely dig out of wells we have fallen into without the help of other humans.

If you are hopeless, or wanting to die, or considering dying, it's time to ask for help. Though the spark inside you may feel tiny and wavering—though your suffering may seem to eclipse you—that spark is your hope. Caring for your suffering can ignite what Nick Cave calls the "engine of your redemption." There is a rescue ready for you. As Sharon Olds wrote, "Then the huge machinery of the earth began to work for his life." Do you feel you are too flawed or broken? Unloveable? Unforgiveable? It can feel so true, I know, but it is not true.

When you cannot see the value of your life because of the anguish of your grief, isolation, guilt, addiction, separation, loss, trauma, shame, or illness—your value is still there. It remains untouched. How can that be? Your value is your birthright. Because you are here you are valuable. If you cannot believe that now, that is OK. We know it is true and believe it for you.

Suspend your disbelief for now and reach out to the lines that together make up the net ready to catch you. At first, it may feel like a false exercise. It may seem like more emptiness. I know you're tired, that you cannot even imagine a future now, but we can.

If you are in crisis, call or text: 988

If you are someone concerned for someone else, this number is for you, too.

Then tell someone caring about your struggle. Ask for help in finding a therapist who can walk with you through this deep valley. Talk to your doctor. They can help hold hope for you until you can hold it, too. While you may not believe there is any light for you, you must believe those who have been down in the well before. We don't have your story, but we know your pain. I know it. My friends know it. My teachers know it. Many survivors know it. Elizabeth Gilbert knows it. You can see for yourself, here.

For domestic violence help, call here: https://www.thehotline.org

If you are caught in the net of addiction, call here: https://www.samhsa.gov/find-help/national-helpline

If you are LGBTQIA+ and need support, go here: https://www.thetrevorproject.org